Slackers

EspooOoo: but no weed today
EspooOoo: fcking slouch drug dealer
palkpal1: what happened
EspooOoo: nah hes xmas shopping lol
palkpal1: rofl

Not drunk enough

AesirLoki: so im a little drunk last night, im sitting down for a bit
AesirLoki: and this fat chick comes up and starts dancing
AesirLoki: and im just like, sry, no
AesirLoki: as i shake my head and put my hand out
AesirLoki: shes like no?
AesirLoki: im like no
AesirLoki: then she walks away
AesirLoki: this dude like 3 ft from me goes, yeh dude that just happened to me too
AesirLoki: lol

A contest of sorts...

Matthew Rubin: ill run pic for pic with random girls who is better lookng
for $

palkpal1: if i get real pics i will

Matthew Rubin: like u still will have ur slow dumb look even if pic is real

palkpal1: ok buddy we wear same cloths and take pictures and judge

Matthew Rubin: ok how much u want to run it for

palkpal1: we each pick 1 thing to wear and take a picture

Matthew Rubin: lol

palkpal1: i got mine already


Matthew Rubin: whats ur pic u playing guitar hero that ones classic

palkpal1: just shirtless


Matthew Rubin: lol

palkpal1: yea i look retarted there

Matthew Rubin: ill give u 3 to 1 on guitar hero (http://photos-c.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sf2p/v238/93/3/26806193/n26806193_31764562_8493.jpg)

palkpal1: nah that pic is soo bad

Glasses

palkpal1: so howd u end it
keeptalking27: gave her a hug
keeptalking27: said see u soon
keeptalking27: used the ol poker bluff charm
keeptalking27: she has no idea
keeptalking27: ill never see her again

TJ's new girl

(1:08:24 PM) MattRubin82: so tj was talking to a religious girl
(1:08:27 PM) MattRubin82: and asked her
(1:08:31 PM) MattRubin82: if she wanted to study together
(1:08:36 PM) MattRubin82: and she snap blocked him
(1:08:37 PM) MattRubin82: in disgust
(1:13:32 PM) mistermartyrose: LOL
(1:13:36 PM) mistermartyrose: study the bible?
(1:13:42 PM) MattRubin82: yeah
(1:13:47 PM) mistermartyrose: that's amazing
(1:13:48 PM) MattRubin82: she apparently was 'born again'
(1:13:50 PM) MattRubin82: christian
(1:14:09 PM) MattRubin82: tj put u want to "study" ;)
(1:14:14 PM) mistermartyrose: wowow TJ is turning into BloodNinja I'm kinda impressed
(1:14:22 PM) MattRubin82: i told him
(1:14:26 PM) MattRubin82: shes not putting out
(1:14:29 PM) MattRubin82: for anyone except god
(1:14:37 PM) MattRubin82: her motto on the fish site was
(1:14:40 PM) MattRubin82: love is patience

more evidence that TJ lives in a cave

(8:03:14 PM) MattRubin82: whod she love
(8:03:16 PM) MattRubin82: cobain?
(8:03:28 PM) palkpal1: cobain?
(8:03:38 PM) MattRubin82: kurt
(8:03:42 PM) MattRubin82: never heard of him?
(8:04:02 PM) MattRubin82: meh
(8:04:04 PM) MattRubin82: stop googling
(8:04:29 PM) palkpal1: lol
(8:04:48 PM) MattRubin82: u ever heard of him?
(8:07:24 PM) palkpal1: n

UMass trip report

My day started with getting on the bus to go see my friend Christian aka lank monsta at UMass. On the bus I listened to a podcast called the two jacks in the hole and it's hilarity caused me to bust out laughing on multiple occasions. I texted TJ and Lily about the awkwardness.
Upon arrival I caught up with C crack the don as we watched some TV in his room. After that we went to his friends room and smoked some herb. His friends were mad chill and I'm pretty excited to come back and visit.

***WARNING***
This report is only my account of what happened...I apologize for any information I divulge that is incorrect.

We went back to Christian and DJ's room and started playing some asshole. I hadn't played asshole since summer camp so I got crushed as everyone else was on top of their game. Eventually I caught on avoided the house rule of if you're the asshole for three times in a row you have to wear something absurd until you're not the asshole anymore.

One of the kids was not so lucky and had to wear Christian's Yankee fitted (he's a hardcore Red Sox fan like everyone else there obv). After we played asshole we busted out the rum. I think it went down so smooth because it was kept in the freezer.

Christian's friend whose name was Meg came into our room and was already trashed (keep in mind this was like 6pm). People were fucking with her pretty badly since she was so gone...I did not approve.

Next we went to the UMass hockey game. I flashed some girls ID for the free entry and we got some food. The game was a lot of fun because the stadium was packed. I hadn't gone to a hockey game in awhile and forgot how much fun it was.

UMass won because they are sick nasty this year and because their fans are crazy. Their chants are really funny because no matter what game you are at they add a "Yankees suck" to the end of it.

After the game we took the bus to this house party. The house was big and there were a ton of people in the basement. This is where things start to get pretty hazy.

I remember buying myself and Christian a cup. I remember seeing three girls and being like let me buy you ladies beers. Then I couldn't find them so I just drank it all myself.

Then shit got completely lost in my memory and this is just what I've heard from people after the fact.

I called Lily twice and left her messages of me freestyling.

I lost my phone probably at the party or god knows where. Luckily, I somehow got back to the dorm thanks to Christians roommate DJ (I think it was the bus).

Christian was busy spitting game at some girls so I would've been completely fucked without DJ since I didn't know anyone.

When I got back to the dorm I just did not stop puking. I puked on the floor. I puked in the garbage. I puked on the futon. I went in the bathroom puked in the toilet. I puked on the bathroom floor.

There was puke on my shoes. There was puke on back of my jeans. There was puke on my sweatshirt.

Possibly the funniest part was the puke on my boxers. It was completely covering my crotch area. Yes, those boxers are no longer with us.

People told me that I was just laying on the bathroom floor naked in a pile of my on vomit. I'm pretty sure I wasn't naked but still hilarious.

When I went to brush my teeth in the morning (I awoke at 10:30am when we got back after 4:00am) I could hear the girls on the floor talking about me. They said, "I didn't know what to do" "He was on the floor naked" "Yeah, he's not my friend but still."

My head hurt so bad I just stayed in the shower for an hour letting the hot water rush over me. I have no idea how I got into the futon to sleep though in the first place. Well, that is the conclusion to my tale and I'm pretty sure UMass will never forget the adventures of MRose.

Frosh Week

[18:05] TwilightZ0neK9s: what week is best ever?
[18:05] simjohnx: frosh week
[18:05] TwilightZ0neK9s: i see
[18:05] simjohnx: i always look forward to it
[18:05] simjohnx: drunkass frosh girls
[18:05] TwilightZ0neK9s: you do the raping?
[18:05] simjohnx: i wouldnt call it raping
[18:05] TwilightZ0neK9s: lol
[18:06] TwilightZ0neK9s: yeah i know
[18:06] simjohnx: i think its consensual
[18:06] TwilightZ0neK9s: it is
[18:06] simjohnx: always get the video of her saying "yes"
[18:06] simjohnx: or some shit
[18:06] simjohnx: u kno?
[18:06] simjohnx: cover ur back
[18:06] simjohnx: just in case
[18:06] TwilightZ0neK9s: ROFL

ship ship

xallenc05x (6:02:39 AM): ! oh kinda interesting news
mistermartyrose (6:02:45 AM): !
xallenc05x (6:02:47 AM): my friend banged an 8th grade teacher
xallenc05x (6:02:50 AM): at our high school
mistermartyrose (6:02:53 AM): that's balla
xallenc05x (6:02:55 AM): i know
xallenc05x (6:02:58 AM): i had her
xallenc05x (6:02:59 AM): and now
xallenc05x (6:03:01 AM): hes had her.
mistermartyrose (6:03:13 AM): loooooooool

who else

MisterMartyRose (4:49:58 PM): hey
MisterMartyRose (4:50:02 PM): I sent u a txt msg
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:50:14 PM): im not at my phone
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:50:17 PM): laura has the phone
MisterMartyRose (4:50:20 PM): awk
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:50:27 PM): what was the message?
MisterMartyRose (4:50:37 PM): thanks for the sex last night
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:50:42 PM): ROFLMAO
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:50:47 PM): u serious?
MisterMartyRose (4:50:49 PM): na
MisterMartyRose (4:50:57 PM): but I guess ill write another one
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:51:01 PM): lol
MisterMartyRose (4:51:06 PM): I said u wanna see batman tonight
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:51:07 PM): like i was with her last night
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:51:17 PM): and we were drunk and high
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:51:21 PM): in our hotel room
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:51:27 PM): and we were on the first floot
MisterMartyRose (4:51:27 PM): fun
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:51:43 PM): we had this really tight wound clerk who let u in at night
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:51:58 PM): and like we were going outside naked for cigarettes
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:52:03 PM): and taking pics
MisterMartyRose (4:52:17 PM): wtf
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:52:22 PM): and like i was saying she should go knock with her clothes on outside
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:52:33 PM): and get the clekrs attention
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:52:41 PM): and id come out butt naked to let her in
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:52:59 PM): and shed take a pic of his face
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:53:03 PM): when he saw me naked
MisterMartyRose (4:53:07 PM): lol
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:53:14 PM): and we were going out the window and shit
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:53:24 PM): and we got fined for smoking in the room and breakign the screen
MisterMartyRose (4:53:47 PM): gg
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:53:48 PM): you cant blog this tho
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:54:08 PM): cus laura shouldnt know I told u
MisterMartyRose (4:54:08 PM): ok
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:54:19 PM): lol
MisterMartyRose (4:54:19 PM): I wont blog's dead
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:54:25 PM): put it all on
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:54:28 PM): blog is dead?
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:54:30 PM): why?
MisterMartyRose (4:54:31 PM): basicalyl
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:54:31 PM): i loved it
MisterMartyRose (4:54:37 PM): no one updates
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:54:38 PM): hows it dead?
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:54:42 PM): update now
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:54:46 PM): with story
MisterMartyRose (4:54:53 PM): this story?
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:55:03 PM): yea
MisterMartyRose (4:55:10 PM): u just said I shouldn't though
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:55:13 PM): lol
MisterMartyRose (4:55:15 PM): blog>wife apparently?
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:55:17 PM): i dont care
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:55:24 PM): shes justy gonna be a little mad
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:55:29 PM): like its not gonna be serious
MisterMartyRose (4:55:51 PM): that's good
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:56:07 PM): if (blog > wifey) post else post anyway
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:56:22 PM): i wrote you a C++ program
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:56:25 PM): for what to do
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:56:31 PM): im high as shit
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:56:38 PM): this pro kayaker smoked me up
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:56:43 PM): after a kayak lesson
MisterMartyRose (4:56:44 PM): lol
MisterMartyRose (4:56:50 PM): where the fuck are u
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:56:59 PM): Beachburg Ontario
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:57:10 PM): by the rapids on the ottawa river
MisterMartyRose (4:57:13 PM): I guess no batman tonight
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:57:18 PM): had an awesome time kayaking tonight
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:57:22 PM): me and laura might see it
MisterMartyRose (4:57:28 PM): cute
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:57:29 PM):
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:57:33 PM): see ya later
MisterMartyRose (4:57:38 PM): how are you funding this trip?
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:57:45 PM): work
TwilightZ0neK9s (4:57:49 PM): and my grandpa
MisterMartyRose (4:57:56 PM): ttyl
MisterMartyRose (4:58:02 PM): gl and have fun

senior citizens

MisterMartyRose (1:38:02 AM): actually all the old ppl in TS hated me
xallenc05x (1:39:02 AM): old people hate everyone
xallenc05x (1:39:13 AM): i almost wanted to go up to one and be like
xallenc05x (1:39:15 AM): why are u gambling
xallenc05x (1:39:16 AM): ur just gonna die
xallenc05x (1:39:20 AM): who cares if u win infi

tj and mattr

palkpal1 (5:11:57 AM): maybe just be better then matt r
palkpal1 (5:12:10 AM): pretty sure
palkpal1 (5:12:12 AM): if his mom said
palkpal1 (5:12:19 AM): why coudent u of done what tj did
palkpal1 (5:12:21 AM): i could die
MisterMartyRose (5:12:28 AM): loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

zZzz

MisterMartyRose (10:37:46 PM): yo
TwilightZ0neK9s (10:37:53 PM): yyo
MisterMartyRose (10:38:02 PM): sup my nigga
TwilightZ0neK9s (10:39:26 PM): not too much
MisterMartyRose (10:39:47 PM): u bored
TwilightZ0neK9s (10:39:52 PM): yeah
MisterMartyRose (10:39:56 PM): I can help
TwilightZ0neK9s (10:41:03 PM): what?
MisterMartyRose (10:41:30 PM): I have an english debate tomorrow
TwilightZ0neK9s (10:41:39 PM): im going to sleep soon
TwilightZ0neK9s (10:41:45 PM): work tommorow
MisterMartyRose (10:42:09 PM): ok well if u want I need 2 minutes of shit for this homeschooling debate
MisterMartyRose (10:42:12 PM): for $$
TwilightZ0neK9s (10:42:26 PM): im trying to jerk off atm
MisterMartyRose (10:42:50 PM): .............

how romantic

TwilightZ0neK9s: The7CardStud
TwilightZ0neK9s: pw iluvlaura

...

C H 1 N K 8 0 8 (2:10:01 AM): dude
C H 1 N K 8 0 8 (2:10:06 AM): this site is fucking nuts
C H 1 N K 8 0 8 (2:10:16 AM): http://www.phonetrace.org/
C H 1 N K 8 0 8 (2:10:23 AM): i can find where ppl are jus by their #
MisterMartyRose (2:10:40 AM): lol
C H 1 N K 8 0 8 (2:10:50 AM): so if u get some chicks #
C H 1 N K 8 0 8 (2:10:51 AM): stalk em
MisterMartyRose (2:11:09 AM): awk

gerard

2:45:16 Gerard: then she wil see
2:45:20 Gerard: i am gp champion
2:45:25 Julian Levin: turn on?
2:45:27 Gerard: and will want me even more
2:45:31 Julian Levin: obv
2:45:36 Gerard: but is it just for my magic skills?
2:45:43 Gerard: thats what i have to figure out
2:45:50 Julian Levin: man she might be a magic gold digger
2:46:01 Julian Levin: does this happen often?
2:46:09 Julian Levin: like do u have to pretend your not famous
2:46:14 Julian Levin: to make sure girls act like u
2:46:16 Gerard: i aint sayin she a gold digger , but she aint messin with a 0-2 drop nigga
2:46:20 Julian Levin: lol
2:46:26 Gerard: lol im too sick
2:46:31 Julian Levin: man i got no shot!

He's Serious...

janjaweedslayah (2:51:21 PM): yo
MisterMartyRose (2:51:27 PM): yo
janjaweedslayah (2:51:45 PM): i need to ask a favor
MisterMartyRose (2:51:55 PM): cant guarantee
janjaweedslayah (2:51:57 PM): when i was 14
janjaweedslayah (2:52:00 PM): i won a money draft
janjaweedslayah (2:52:06 PM): however it was 8 man
janjaweedslayah (2:52:09 PM): winner take all
janjaweedslayah (2:52:11 PM): i won
janjaweedslayah (2:52:19 PM): and my oppo got up took all the cards
janjaweedslayah (2:52:21 PM): and left
janjaweedslayah (2:52:23 PM): he was 21
janjaweedslayah (2:52:26 PM): i found him on facebook
janjaweedslayah (2:52:31 PM): then google mapped his house
janjaweedslayah (2:52:36 PM): hes 27 now and lives nearby
MisterMartyRose (2:53:01 PM): rofl
MisterMartyRose (2:53:06 PM): what do you want me to do
janjaweedslayah (2:53:12 PM): there wasl ike 60 worht of shit dude
janjaweedslayah (2:53:16 PM): foil polluted delta
janjaweedslayah (2:53:23 PM): exalted
janjaweedslayah (2:53:26 PM): it was a sick draft
janjaweedslayah (2:53:41 PM): i want u to have my fucking back lol
janjaweedslayah (2:53:49 PM): and im juicing him too
janjaweedslayah (2:53:55 PM): basically
janjaweedslayah (2:54:00 PM): gonna get him invited to a poker game
janjaweedslayah (2:54:06 PM): hope he brings like a buy in
janjaweedslayah (2:54:10 PM): then im mobbing his ass
janjaweedslayah (2:54:14 PM): and taking his shit

YURICHICK FOR INVITATIONAL STORY TELLER BALLOT

Any really good stories from this weekend?
Homebrewed the list Friday night and stayed at Brett Blackman's house.

zinggggg

C H 1 N K 8 0 8 (8:49:25 PM): i kno asians on mainland dig white guys
C H 1 N K 8 0 8 (8:49:27 PM): but ones here dont
MisterMartyRose (8:49:30 PM): weird
C H 1 N K 8 0 8 (8:49:32 PM): yah
C H 1 N K 8 0 8 (8:49:37 PM): i guess they like small asian cock
MisterMartyRose (8:49:53 PM): i bet you're really popular then

magic online

MisterMartyRose (10:35:49 PM): yooooo
TwilightZ0neK9s (10:35:51 PM): my friend saw me on modo
TwilightZ0neK9s (10:35:56 PM): trading for a set
TwilightZ0neK9s (10:36:05 PM): and i was trading with the cheontourage
MisterMartyRose (10:36:13 PM): he make fun of u?
TwilightZ0neK9s (10:36:15 PM): and hes like "whats the cheontourage?"
TwilightZ0neK9s (10:36:22 PM): so i told him
TwilightZ0neK9s (10:36:27 PM): about Paul Cheon and his barns
MisterMartyRose (10:36:30 PM): yeah
TwilightZ0neK9s (10:36:52 PM): and hes like "WOW it must be awesome to be Paul Cheon and hang out with the Cheontourage"
MisterMartyRose (10:36:57 PM): lol

standard

mediohxcore (7:48:57 PM): my gf is at a comedian, who is an ex sex-educator
mediohxcore (7:48:59 PM): and he says
mediohxcore (7:49:04 PM): and she repeats to me via text
MisterMartyRose (7:49:07 PM): loooool
mediohxcore (7:49:12 PM): "shopping for a condom is like shopping for a car"
mediohxcore (7:49:14 PM): and I reply
mediohxcore (7:49:19 PM): "because I dont"
MisterMartyRose (7:49:25 PM): oh I was gunna say
MisterMartyRose (7:49:28 PM): don't get em used
mediohxcore (7:49:34 PM): LOL
MisterMartyRose (7:49:36 PM): =)
mediohxcore (7:49:55 PM): dont trust the salesmen
mediohxcore (7:53:05 PM): or your woman

Gerard...Just After the Superbowl

GFabs5 (10:14:35 PM): when does the super bowl start

=)

BlGGIE SMALLS: Loose
BlGGIE SMALLS: im quiting soon
BlGGIE SMALLS: gunna go eat
BlGGIE SMALLS: ok?
Dealer: LooseZepher wins the pot ($2.85)
Dealer: Hand #4921435208
BlGGIE SMALLS: talk to me loose
Dealer: BlGGIE SMALLS wins the pot ($0.50)
Dealer: Hand #4921436550
Dealer: LooseZepher has 5 seconds left to act
LooseZepher: no please don't you have my bankroll

glasses

keeptalking27 (10:41:18 PM): i tilted off the $250 my friend owedme
keeptalking27 (10:41:22 PM): in 30 mins
keeptalking27 (10:41:26 PM): and banned myself
palkpal1 (10:42:27 PM): should do life ban
palkpal1 (10:42:30 PM): obv have a problem
keeptalking27 (10:41:39 PM): yea
keeptalking27 (10:41:41 PM): i know
keeptalking27 (10:41:43 PM): i stopped now
keeptalking27 (10:41:48 PM): i went to GA
palkpal1 (10:43:31 PM): ga?
keeptalking27 (10:42:43 PM): gamblers anonmyous
keeptalking27 (10:42:48 PM): i guess not so anonymous now

TJ's mom on his screenname

GFabs5: WHEN AM I GETTING MY FUCKING MONEY
palkpal1: Tj is not home How much money does he owe you

MisterMartyRose (11:04:19 AM): yo
MisterMartyRose (11:14:22 AM): I heard tony is looking for you I hope your not going to NY

someone dosent know the odds

(3:34:37 PM): BRETT9LISA (9:01:12 AM): im 100% sure

BRETT9LISA (9:01:20 AM): im having sex on new years